For those special people who check my LJ, like i promised i do post extras every now and then (for the things that i couldn't fit into a story on the site). For Christmas Eve, here is one just for you!
I suppose i should explain this a little bit before you dive right in-
If you read the 'Life in Love' series that i write, you would know that my 3rd story, now titled 'Daunting', gave me a bit of a hard time. I spent months re-doing things, trying out different plots, only to come to the conclusion that my original idea was going to have to suffice. But all of those re-writes are still on my computer :) im only going to post the ones that i think are fit to read. So, in this particular version of the 3rd story, i made Bella rather depressed. It was slated to all be in Edward's point of view, so that we didn't have another new moon disaster. Bella is realizing, like any normal person would, that this life that she has isn't all fun and games. she wouldn't be able to see the people she loves the most. Edward is trying to help her through this delemia, because every person in the Cullen family, except for maybe Alice, has gone through this phase. So, here is all i have :) happy reading (oh ps. 'Fix you' by Coldplay would be a good song to listen to for the first chapter. The prolouge is about Bella mailing the letter she wrote Jacob in the epilouge of 'Possibilities')
Prologue-
2 weeks earlier-
Every now and then, as I was slowly walking, twigs would crack and break underneath my shoes. Gravel and rocks would crunch, and mud swashed. Leaves would fall down everywhere around me, birds would chirp, and rabbits and squirrels would hop and run.
All of these things were signs that life was still continuing…somehow.
I held the envelope in my hands, now freshly sealed, and continued to walk to Denali’s post office. It was a good 20 or 30 miles away…I didn’t care.
Jake’s name was written on the envelope as I glanced down. What would he do when he got it? Would he lock it away in a door or stuff it under his bed, never to look at it? Would he throw it out, rip it, or burn it? Would he open it up and read it?
I didn’t know. Nobody said this would be easy-but nobody said it would be so difficult. To make a clean break-it was almost like a break in my heart.
I closed my eyes as I continued to walk through the forest, to down town Denali.
Everything was wonderful at Tanya’s-Edward was wonderful. But yet I couldn’t help but miss what happened in the beginning. Jake, Charlie, Renée, high school….all of it. It’s so hard to just leave everything behind-to know that when you will come back, everyone you missed would just be dead, and you would have to live with that fact forever.
How could I manage that?
I brushed a loose strand of hair out of my face, readjusting my sunglasses. Though there wasn’t any sun, nobody could see my red eyes.
Edward was my rock-my support. I love him. I half smiled; he was so kind-so understanding.
The envelope I held in my hands contained a letter to Jacob-an apology. I needed to get over him somehow, and I hoped that the letter might help push him away from my thoughts.
So I continued to walk, not knowing what would happen to these pieces of paper, only knowing that they would make their way to La Push. I took a deep breath as I was about to let out a sob-focus on something else I thought.
So I looked up at the sky, studying each cloud.
That worked for a while-until one looked like a wolf. Then I shot my eyes back down at my feet, feeling like I would break down at any moment.
This was my walk-I needed this walk. I needed to get over Jacob. I needed to think about him here for the last time. I just needed to let him go. I needed…I need the pain to go away I thought.
An hour later I made it to the post office; there was a blue mail box outside of the building. I made my way over to it and stopped when I reached it. I took the letter in both of my hands, and traced his name with my fingers.
“Good bye, Jake.” I whispered as the envelope slipped out of my hands and into the mail box.
And then I turned around and headed back, the snapping of twigs still echoing around me. I ran this time-walking was too painful. I wanted to go back to the mail box and stay there forever-the last part of Jake was there, it would always be there.
I ran for ten minutes until I reached the outskirts of Tanya’s yard. Then I walked, not caring that sobs were actually coming out of me.
“Bella?” Edward asked alarmed.
Then I just fell into his arms. I collapsed, continuing to cry. Edward held onto me, not asking any questions. He sat down on the grass with me still in his arms. Then he held me, whispering soothing words. Sometimes he rocked me gently, or ran his hand over my cheek. He would kiss me on my forehead and hold my hand too.
“It’s alright, it’s over.” He whispered. Alice was standing on the front porch looking out at me and Edward. I didn’t get a look at her, my eyes were squeezed shut. Edward nodded once in her direction and I heard her walk back inside.
“You know?” I whispered before more crying came.
“Alice saw you at the post office. Why didn’t you come and get me? We could have gone together.” He asked.
“Because, it was something that I needed to do on my own.” I answered. He stayed silent as I let out more sobs.
“It’s over now-you let him go.” He whispered to me again. I nodded.
“I let him go.” I echoed.
~Edward Cullen’s Point of View~
Times weren’t easy-even when it seemed like Bella and I could conquer the world.
Our honeymoon, though belated, was a nice get away from the reality that hit me, but most importantly, hit Bella. I believe she got hit the hardest though. Everything had happened so fast to her-in a split second we just decided to change her. Did she realize how wrong that could have turned-how easy it would have been for me to lose control? How she never would be able to see any of the people she loved? Obviously, as soon as we got back to Denali-she realized it.
It was my entire fault that she was having such a hard time. I tried…I tried so hard to convince her that she could have stayed human. But she was just as stubborn as me. And in a way, if she would stay human for the rest of her life, I wouldn’t know what to do when her life was over. I would have to see her again, be with her again-in the afterlife, if there is one for vampires.
But the selfish monster had to come out of me, the one that I attempted to neglect. I turned my angel into a monster, just like me. How many hearts were broken in that process? Many. One even stopped beating. And it was my fault.
Bella was having a hard time lately-we all, including me, thought that she was going to get over it after that one afternoon. That afternoon, Tanya came to tell me that Bella had written a letter of some sort.
Right away, I knew who that letter was for. Jacob Black. It pained me to see her so upset about him. And it also pained me to see her even thinking about him.
Alice then saw a vision, Bella delivered the letter. She was falling apart though, you could tell. I wanted to catch up to Bella, to go and help her through this. After all, it was the only thing I could think of doing. But I was too late, Bella was already back. And she was crying. The answer she gave me to my question of wanting to know why she didn’t come to get me was one of the smartest and shocking answers I’d ever heard; she had to do it alone. And she was right. Some things you just have to do on your own to try and overcome problems.
I came back to reality then-it hit me as if lightning had struck me when I heard her answer. I couldn’t fix her. I couldn’t even help her. The thought mortified me-I had always been able to help her, guide her, and protect her. But some things she couldn’t be protected by. She lost things that she couldn’t replace-that I couldn’t replace.
Carlisle said it was her way of getting rid of painful human memories. She was letting go of her human life. When she walked to that post office she was holding onto them. When she dropped that letter to Jacob Black in that mail box, she left most of her memories there with the letter. And when she was walking back to the house she was turning away from her human life to her new life. It was her journey-her walk. And though she was upset (which had scared me, I had never seen her like that) she let him go. She let everyone go.
It was something everyone in the family had to deal with-except for Alice.
But days were better now, she was doing better. She was that normal, blushing, beautiful Bella that she always was and would always be again. And even if I couldn’t, I was going to try my damndest to fix her.
“Hello, Angel.” I greeted Bella as she walked into the living room. I was seated at Tanya’s piano-she didn’t play, but she always wanted one anyway. When she learned that I could play, she was elated-the piano never got touched-the beautiful notes never heard.
I often sat at the piano to think-sometimes about the actual music I was playing or sometimes just my own personal problems. “Hey.” She said, as I moved over on the piano bench so she could sit down. I put my arm over her shoulder and held her tightly-the one thing that made my life worthwhile was finally in my arms.
“What are you doing?” she asked. “I haven’t heard you play anything.” She explained.
“I’m thinking, that’s all.” I responded. Her face was showing signs of life, or happiness. She blushed as I kissed her forehead. Her eyes were gaining back that small twinkle-she was making progress. That was good.
“Oh,” she smiled slightly, “about me I’m guessing.” She ducked her head to look at her feet.
“No-” I tried to object.
“I must have scared you, that one day. I’m sorry.” She looked up at me. My eyes softened as I took her head in my hands gently.
“Bella-don’t apologize.” I whispered to her, “don’t ever apologize to me- because you don’t need too.” I said to her. She nodded as I kissed her, “I love you-I always will-for better or for worse, remember?” I said to her. She cracked a smile,
“I remember.”
“Good then,” I said, “now, how about we move onto brighter subjects.” I proposed.
“Like?” she probed. There were only so many things a vampire could do to stay out of boredom.
“How about going out with Alice for the day? She wants to go to Seattle-apparently shopping isn’t so great in Anchorage. She thinks that it might be good for you to start testing your limits with humans.” I explained to her, “and so do I.” I added. She really did need to get out more, though she was doing alright on the plane to Volterra a few months ago-that was more out of fear then self control. She nodded in agreement,
“That sounds good. I’ll just hold my breath if I need to.” She decided. I smiled at her and kissed her once more before she got up and went up stairs to Alice’s room. I heard squeals of excitement and happiness when Alice heard that Bella wanted to go with her. I turned back to the black and ivory keys of the piano, hoping that Alice will help Bella cope with a vampire life.
“Please, Alice.” I whispered, Bella didn’t hear me from what Jasper was feeling upstairs-there would have been a spike of curiosity.
I’ll try my best, Edward she thought before I started to play Bella’s lullaby. She would get through this-she was strong. She was my Bella.
Chapter 2-
Reading minds was never something that I loved to have, even if it was helpful in some cases.
But most of the time it was just plain hell. I tried to shrug off what was going on in people’s minds. But some thoughts always slipped through.
Today the topic of discussion was betting on how many bags Alice and Bella came home with from shopping. There was also some debating on what to do with our passports-which were now expired. Any legal work was always a nightmare to deal with-It takes time to forge everything, passports included.
“Hey, Edward. We’re taking bets on Alice and Bella’s shopping experience-want to join in?” Emmett asked, coming into the room I shared with Bella. I was trying to read a book-it wasn’t going so well with everyone’s thoughts. Elizabeth’s dislike for Darcy when they first see each other was getting mixed up with ’35 shopping bags’ and ’13 bags’. I was on the verge of giving up.
“No, I’m alright. I prefer to watch who wins and looses the adolescent betting you and Jasper do so much of.” I said to him. He crossed his arms,
“Fine then-I’ll just go ask Eleazar.” Emmett grumbled, turning around and walking out of the room.
I sighed once and read a page of my book-the same page I had been trying to read for the last hour. Something was bothering me besides everyone’s thoughts-it was Bella. I was worried, even if Alice was with her and even if she wasn’t human.
Maybe I was just paranoid and over protective-but in a way, that was my duty as her husband.
“They are home!” Jasper announced as Alice’s car pulled up in the driveway. I heard Bella and Alice walk into the houses; bags were around their wrists from what I could hear. I quickly marked my page and shut the book, putting it on the coffee table in front of me. Then I walked quickly down the stairs to see Bella.
“Damn it-Jasper you win.” Emmett cursed as he got out his wallet. Apparently they had gotten fewer bags than Emmett bet on.
Jasper chuckled and then smirked, “hand it over.” Emmett pulled out a thousand dollars and gave it to Jasper.
“What’s going on?” Bella asked, eyeing the money that Jasper was now putting in his pocket. Alice rolled her eyes,
“They bet on how many things we would bring home.” She explained as Bella frowned.
“How are you?” I asked Bella, embracing her in a hug as I kissed the top of her head.
“Good-I did better than I thought I would.” She smiled slightly up at me as I kissed her. She blushed as I pulled back,
“You have to stop putting yourself down-you have more self control than I did, if that helps.” I offered. Truly, she was amazingly more self controlled than I was. I wouldn’t let her know exactly how much more controlled, though.
“We didn’t come home with as many bags as you thought then, Emmett?” Bella called towards the angry Emmett who stalked off to the living room.
“Whatever.” He grumbled. I laughed once-he was such a sore loser. I just wish he would stop cursing in his thoughts-it was giving me a migraine.
“Speaking of things we brought home…Edward I need to talk with you.” Alice said to me. I turned around to face her.
She stared intently at me, her arms crossed. Her lips were in a tight line. I need to talk to you NOW. I had a vision. She practically screamed at me in her head. I nodded once as Bella looked curiously at us.
Kate came down the stairs, “Bella-do you want to take a walk with me? I was going to go hunting but…” she trailed off. Bella nodded once, reluctantly. She knew that Kate was trying to get her out of the house. What Alice saw was not something I wanted to tell Bella until I knew what the vision was about. Alice refused to show it though.
You better fill me in Kate warned in her head as she and Bella walked outside. I nodded once at her before she turned around.
“Come on.” Alice motioned for me to go into the dining room. The rest of the family, Including Irina, Tanya, Carmen and Eleazar crowded around the table as well.
“What’s going on?” Jasper asked us as we sat down.
“I don’t quite know. Alice, are they out of hearing range?” I asked Alice. ‘They’ mean Kate and Bella. Alice nodded once.
“I had a vision-it wasn’t something that’s good either.” Alice explained. Carlisle looked at me, but I shook my head. Alice hadn’t showed me yet.
“Alice could you sho-?” I began before Alice closed her eyes a re-played the vision so that it was in my head as well.
I swore under my breath as I gaped at Alice.
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And we've made it full circle, basically back where Daunting is. The vision that Alice has is of Bella being beaten up, which we already have read about in Daunting. So, you can see that this skipped all of the fun stuff that Bella and Edward have done and instead it has Bella depressed. But we still come to the same resolution in the long run and that's why i didn't stick with this version. If we were coming to the same ending, why not just have it longer and happier like Daunting? Now you see. Well, i hope you enjoyed it :)
Have a lovely Christmas Eve. I'll see you for an update of Daunting tomorrow :)